You are all in my head.
You people don’t exist until I meet you. Until I verify your existence. This is usually not such a bad thing, seeing as how most people you come across online are like most people you come across in the really real world; sub humans. I don’t like to meet sub humans and thus have no curiosity to satisfy. But sometimes I stumble across some very interesting individuals online…and they leave me in awe and wonder.
I am a very physical person, or at least I consider myself to be. Not only do I enjoy physical contact, I like watching people that I like; how they move, how they carry themselves, how they talk, how the work and how they play. I have an almost irrepressible urge to meet these people, to find out who they really are. To find out what this terrible medium has kept hidden from me…
…and I do. I spend insane amounts of money travelling across the globe to meet certain individuals I’ve met online. Most notably; Erik, Claus, Josh, Jan, Jeff, Megan, Adam, George, Caz, Thorn…
I would like all of you to know that I mean no disrespect when I say that I consider you unreal people, and I don’t consider your well-wishings, hugs, kisses and whatnots to be pointless…but since I care much for my friends, and have picked up some nice trust-issues since child-hood, I have to verify you before I allow you into myself. I have to consider you unreal people until you are verified because I don’t want to feel as much as I do for some of you without having met you…my careful and suspicious nature won’t allow it.
Your hugs and wuffles are appreciated, but they just emphasize the distance and the lack of a true bond.
Recently I’ve met certain people online, that have become very close in a hurry. It’s very gratifying to realize that you can transcend distance and cultural barriers in order to set up friendships…but sometimes that nagging feeling throws me off, and I have to back off. I can’t commit myself completely to a friendship like I do in real life. I can’t be as passionate about as I can in real life. My careful and suspicious nature won’t allow it.
I want to ask someone of you, and you know who you are, to be patient with me until we’ve met.