Category: Journal

Lost Respect

It’s crazy just how much I’ve lost respect for many people in my extended social circle. I have watched in amazement as they took they flaunted the guidelines. Things are getting better in spite of them, not because of them. They seem to be heading towards a second lockdown trying to race each other there.

At the same time, I have gained a ton of respect for people who keep enduring their quarantine with discipline.

Back to Normal

Having worked from home for over two months and having been very limited in my movement, life has become very simple. While it’s been boring, the change of pace has also been nice. We’ve quickly adapted to the need to shelter in place, and that has either forced us to put some chores on the back burner, or forced us to become very pragmatic about having items and groceries delivered. Social events are non-existent right now, work is done from home and exercise is done without the need to travel. It makes the world very small, easy to manage and less anxiety-inducing.

I miss my brother and sister. I miss going over to Amsterdam. I miss going to restaurants, and having well-crafted cocktails. And I miss the prospect of travelling, as we had to cancel our June trip to Finland. I miss BJJ and I miss a well-cropped head of hair. These things I would like to have return back to normal.

But I don’t want all of it to go back to the way things were before the lockdown. And I wonder if I am the only one. I wonder just how many people have been forced to take it down a notch and realised that they were red lining themselves and how much better they feel under the current circumstances. I hope people will take the time to reevaluate what’s important to them. Perhaps there are people who will have reinforced just how good their lives were before the lockdown. And perhaps there will be people who have gotten a taste of a different life that they’ve quietly been craving and weren’t aware of it.

Five Weeks of Sensibility

Apparently, people can only stay sensible for about five weeks before thinking that they can start flouting the rules. We all agreed to keep our distance from one another, to not travel or leave our homes unless necessary. For a little while it seemed that people only went out if they really had to; for essential jobs, for medical reasons, to get essential supplies, to walk your dog or to keep fit. And whenever you did so, you would do what was necessary and no more.

With great annoyance I saw some people I knew post photos on Instagram of them having regular picnics in the park. I attributed it to a few idiots that I knew and moved on. But now, however, more and more people are acting as if the crisis is behind us. At the very first sign of improvement you see people start to go back to the beach, head out for shopping several times a week, go on completely pointless hikes, etc.

It makes me upset that people can be so careless. “Oh, but there’s nobody at the beach right now” is not a reason to go to the beach. It’s the result of people staying home! The reason that things have improved and are relatively under control (if you can call thousands of deaths “under control”) is because everyone has been following the guidelines. Thinking that this is the moment to flaunt those guidelines is the same moronic thinking that anti-vaxxers use.

And don’t get me started about those people who protest against the lockdowns, as if it’s some sort of punishment from the government. It’s like complaining about the annoying beeping sounds a smoke detector makes when it’s running low on battery. The thing you’re complaining about is the smoke detector’s desire to continue to keep you safe from harm.

Fleabag

I’ve been watching the first season of Fleabag, which has been hilarious and, surprisingly, somewhat triggering for me. Most of the time I find myself laughing my arse off, but in those scenes where it becomes clear that everyone is just horrible and all of their relationships are toxic, I just end up getting super triggered. It reminds me of all the relationships in my mother’s side of the family. It makes me cringe and scream inside.

Lockdown Effects

So we’re coming up to the end of the fifth week of the lockdown, and I seem to be doing alright. In this time it seems that not having children to take care of or entertain makes matters a lot easier. Friends and colleagues with kids seem to be struggling a bit more than others, and I don’t think I’ll ever fully appreciate the position they’re in.

For me, I’m finding the situation quite boring. I’m not bored, but it’s just quite bland. Every day is much the same as the previous day, and there’s no real distinction between work days and weekend days. This is compounded by the fact that there was already less distinction between work- and weekend days since moving to England.

I’ve come to realise that just by going out I’m exposed to a bunch of sensations, a bunch of input, that fulfils a base level need. Now that this is much less, I find myself craving rich foods and stronger flavours more. I think that’s to make up the lack of sensations.

The weather has been really nice, and the birds outside are keeping entertained. We have a large grassy lawn that we can enjoy the sun on. I’ve been quite fortunate so far.