Author Archives: Dennis

The Italian Job

The Italian Job (2003) [2003]

Director: F. Gary Gray
Actor: Mark WahlbergCharlize TheronDonald SutherlandJason StathamSeth GreenMos DefEdward Norton

I liked this film. Oh yes, I did. The people I went to see it with, notably Sam, didn’t like it at all. I don’t care about her opinion. It’s obviously wrong when they blow the pavement out from under an armoured truck in order to have it drop down into a subway tunnel. There has to be something wrong with Sam’s opinion don’t you think? I do. :)

Sure, the acting is pretty appaling. Mos Def’s pretty good, Seth Green basically plays himself…but the rest is pretty fucking bad. But that’s the thing…that’s not a problem when you’ve got people driving tuned Mini Coopers through the stormdrains. At that moment, it’s all you need. This film is the equivalent of a good beach read. Definitely worth the 2 hours you’ll waste of your life.

Terminator 3

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines [2003]

Director: Jonathan Mostow
Actor: Arnold SchwarzeneggerNick StahlClaire DanesKristanna LokenMoon Bloodgood

Okay, I admit it, I laughed pretty fucking hard when I saw Ahnuld “talk to the hand,” and I really enjoyed all the new visions of the future, and I even like the plotline of the film – although it was really fucking thin. I liked the casting of Stahl as John Conner – even though he has something…whiny over him – and I like Claire Danes’ character, because she seems so straight laced, and an unlikely lieutenant to the great John Conner. Until, of course, she picks up a full automatic assault rifle. I also loved looking at Kirstanna Loken. Loved it!

But the story was too meager to warrant a movie. It was like…like a short story instead of a novel, you know? I fucking hate short stories, they’re not meaty enough for me, and even though I can get over the fact that the Terminator is an aging mainstream action movie icon, I want my films to have some substance! I mean, it wasn’t like I was watching Chicago, but still…

Phone Booth

Phone Booth [2002]

Director: Joel Schumacher
Actor: Colin FarrellKiefer SutherlandForest WhitakerKatie Holmes

Colin Farrel plays a shady publicist-bordering-on-conman Stu. He wheels, he deals, he tries to make people famous, and he makes a lot of money doing it. He has connections all the way up and down on Broadway, and he does most of his business from his celular phones.

Stu has a little thing for one of the actresses he has been trying to pimp off on the local casting agencies. She’s young, she’s cute…she’s fuckable. So he’s been trying to get her to sleep with him for the past however long. Every day, he calls her, from a phone booth 8th Ave and he has gotten the attention of a vigilante sniper, who keeps him in the phone booth and threatens to kill him if he hangs up the phone.

It’s remarkably like Liberty Stands Still [2002] with Wesley Snipes, Linda Fiorentino and Oliver Platt. Wesley Snipes did a better job as the sniper, but Colin Farrel did a better job as the hostage. Forest Whitaker, I’m almost afraid to say it, didn’t really do a good job as the police captain in charge at all.

The universe must be off.