.: Emotional
I’m going through a rather emotionally charged and turbulent time right now, and with the upcoming death of my father, and the condition my mother is in, and her possible death, it’s probably going to get much worse before it gets better. I don’t know whether I’ve just gotten worse at keeping my emotions under control, or if it’s just that I haven’t had to deal with anything this powerful before, but I’m finding it hard. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not walking around like an emotional wreck (at least, not more than I already did), but I’m definitely effected by things more, both positively (compliments, praise, etc.), as negatively (criticism, frustration, etc.). I don’t know if a more emotional Dennis is really what the world needs, right now or ever. I wish I was one of those people that could have a nice good cry and get it all out. I’m not, and pouring it all out has never left me feeling better rather than worse. I’d much rather keep it inside of me, and try to harness it, but sometimes it’s too much, and I end up being stretched too tightly, like an overinflated balloon.
.: Mother
My mother’s scheduled brain-surgery to remove the tumor in her head has caused her to go to the hairdresser and cut all her hair off. Now, even as her son, I can honestly say that my mother has always been a very attractive woman. Perhaps recently that has faded because she’s grown old rather quick with all the physical ailments she’s had to deal with over the last two years or so, but she’s always been good looking. One of the things that made her so good looking was the thick, auburn hair she has. And while I haven’t seen the result of her haircut yet (I will tonight), I’m wondering what the result will be. Both my brother and sister think it’s weird (brother) and ugly (sister), so I’m bracing myself. :)
.: Father
My father’s asked me to be a co-signatory on his euthenasia-declaration, which is sort of like having power of attorney regarding his death. He has stipulated that once the pain becomes unbearable that he would like to pass away. Once that time comes, both signatories need to be in agreeance that the time has come. That would be my father, and I. (Not counting the doctor involved, who can object on ethical grounds if he so chooses.) I hope that when the time comes I can do what needs to be done according to my father’s wishes.
.: Busy
This whole thing has left me very busy lately. Perhaps not in the amount of time it takes for me to take care of stuff, but it certainly has taken up a lot of headspace, and as a result of that, I haven’t really done anything worthwhile. Moulsari’s brother Palash coming over for the weekend was a welcome break to the monotony of my…I don’t know, self-pity, I guess? My absentmindedness certainly doesn’t go unnoticed of those around me. Productivity is down at work. Less approachable to family and friends. This and other factors are all adding to what I feel is a bit of social isolation. I am going to make a conscious effort to break that isolation.
.: LotR Online
I bought this game recently, but so far it hasn’t been able to grab my attention like I thought it might. It plays exactly like World of Warcraft does, in almost every respect, only there’s hardly any PvP, and there’s different feel to it, which is nice and refreshing. It feels less like a rat-race, which is also good, but it’s too the same to WoW to grab my attention and make me want to start from scratch. I’m going to give it a while to convince me, though, but that means I should really start playing it instead of sort of let it sit there. :)
.: Kung Fu and Swimming
Whereas first I Kung Fu’ed about four hours a week, and swam once or twice a week, now I’m doing fuck-all. I blame it on my absentmindedness, and lack of time. I’ve gotten a bit heavier, but not quite as much as I thought I would with no excercise except my journey to work for a good month. This is another thing that I need to whip up the discipline again; In the last 15 years I haven’t, with the exception of recovering from major injuries, did as little physical excercise as I have in the last month. Luckily I’m not like many of the people you hear talking about how they should really get back to excercising again, since I actually like kung fu and swimming. I like doing it. I like how it makes me feel. I like how it makes me look. :)