Tag: Cluster Headache

I’ve pulled a muscle in my shoulderblade. Well, actually, someone else pulled it for me during MMA, but still, a muscle was pulled. It’s not that painful, but it’s very consistent, and it makes sleeping a very restless affair. As a result, I’m walking around in a bit of a foggy haze. Lucky for me, my last cluster-attack was on Thursday, so perhaps the Verapamil I’m taking is actually doing something good. I foresee bad things happening if I get an attack while so sleep-deprived. In fact, I’m starting to get uncomfortable with the idea of being outside for too long, not to mention being in public transport. As for my shoulder, perhaps I should skip kung fu for a little while and concentrate on swimming a bit more.

I’ve been playing a lot of chess on Facebook, but unfortunately, with mixed results. I just lost a game to Dennis, which went sour due to a mistake I made really early on, but I still manage to grind him down to a point where I had a really good chance of winning. Sadly, I positioned myself poorly and he managed to pull off the win. I’m getting closer and closer to finally beating Jim, who is really very good at chess, and even against Edwin it’s no longer like he’s out clubbing little baby seals. One of these days I’ll actually pull off a win.

I finished Hitman: Blood Money last night, and I have to say that the Hitman series is probably one of my favourite computer game series out there. The games are all a combination of a puzzle and an action game with an interesting story and I’ve enjoyed playing all four instalments. Considering the climax of H: BM I wonder if they’re going to do a fifth game, perhaps with a slightly different angle.

Last night I got another attack around 23:00. My sister was there, and took good care of me. It was a short one, 25 minutes, and according to my sister rather violent. I am not suffering from the same anxieties as most clusterheads, simply because I don’t have to deal with it as often as most, or as long as most. Reading and communicating with some of them is…hard. Their stories are so incredibly depressing, yet their determination to fight “the beast,” as they dramatically call it, is an inspirational one. Some of these people have chronic CHs, experiencing up to 8 attacks a day. Eight K7+ attacks a day justifies the name “suicide headache.” I can’t even fathom it.

I just had another cluster headache attack. My colleague Birgit helped me a lot. I vomited only a little bit, but again, I don’t recall much. The attack lasted for about 50 minutes. I got curious as to what it looks like, because I really don’t know. I looked up some youtube vids that correspond to what all accounts say I go through. It’s really scary and hard to watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAf_QFmTPkw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GotgWvyv0T4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9FMaozTgTM

Yesterday I talked to my doctor – well, not my doctor, but an intern working at her practice – and explained that I suffer from cluster headaches. I told him that sometimes I pass out from the pain and that I used to have a pen-injector with fast-acting painkillers that allowed me to, say, park my car alongside the road. He did some of the standard tests, checking my hearing, my eyes, and the muscles and nerves in my face before he prescribed me an “attack medicine,” predominantly used against migraine attacks. It’s a nasal spray with Sumatriptan. I picked it up from the apothecary this morning. In the brochure it says that it’s meant for migraine attacks – attacks in which too much blood rushes too the brain due to dilated arteries – and it specifically states that if you suffer from other headaches you shouldn’t take this medicine. I don’t suffer from migraine attacks, so most likely my arteries aren’t dilated. Who knows what this stuff will do if I take it. I’m going to have to call this guy to talk it over. Also, apparently it’s supposed to work within fifteen to thirty minutes, which is way too long. I just want something to stop the pain, or at least make it manageable enough for me not to pass out, which certainly doesn’t happen all the time, but still.

While I was talking to the doctor, I realised something; the reason I pass out is not because of the pain – it’s actually quite uncommon for people to pass out from cluster headaches – but more because, depending on the circumstances, I get assaulted by an acute panic attack. If I’m in a public place, or if it’s the first attack in a cluster – basically anything unexpected, I start panicking, and then I eventually pass out.

Fuck, I really hoped that this wouldn’t happen again. The remission time was really very long; seven years, I think. The first time was right before the first Bulldrek Gathering, so perhaps eight, I forget. The last attack in the cluster was in California, at Eva’s place in Sunnyvale. I had another attack several years later, but that was just one attack, and could’ve been something else, I’m not sure. Even now, when I think of the inevitability of a next headache attack, I can feel my heart-rate go up and I feel my face flush.

Pain is temporary. Pain is temporary. Pain is temporary. Pain is temporary. Pain is temporary. Pain is temporary. Ad nauseum. Literally.

Yesterday I had another cluster headache attack, the first in a good six years. It was a very short one in comparison. I had forgotten how bad the pain was, and it reminded me a bit of something Jim recently said; “I tend to minimize the bad in my memories.” It’s been a while since I read up on it, so I read the wiki page on it (link), and the amount of information on that page is so much more than I could find anywhere six years ago.