This morning I was on IRC, and Toryu was looking for the movie “Soldier” starring Kurt Russel on Grokster. He had launched a search query and he was listing off all the silly things it returned, including something that caught my interest. There was a supposed execution of a russian soldier among the entries returned…and out of a morbid facination I looked for it. I found it, and downloaded it, expecting to see something like a firing squad or similar.
It was a short movie, maybe 20 or 30 seconds in length…I saw a soldier – only a soldier because he was wearing combat fatigues – pinned with his head to the floor by an armie boot…a hand came from outside the top frame, holding a combat knife, and put the tip of it to the neck of the soldier, right underneath the jaw. The soldier began screaming in protest, and with a bit of pressure, the hand stuck the knife all the way in the neck. You could hear it hit the pebbles on the ground on the other side of the neck. The hand began “sawing” a way through the front of the neck. The soldier was gurgling and grunting.
I was faintly nauseous.
I had a lot of trouble getting it out of my head, and I spent a long time thinking about violence…and how I didn’t understand people. It also made me think of all the violence I had seen myself, and I came to the conclusion that there are some forms of violence that I couldn’t possibly surrender myself to. I can imagine wanting to kill someone, I can imagine killing someone by shooting the person, or pushing the person off a building…
…but something quite that…
Cruel? Unsophisticated? Messy? Primal?
…I can’t get myself to come to terms with. Now, I am not an agressive person at all. I’ve seen too much of it for it not to frighten me, and to realize its total ugliness. I find no beauty in aggression – not violence, mind you – nor can I accept it very well in my entertainment if it is done to realistically. And I remember the “are you able to kill” thread, in which a lot of people – myself included – were very quick to admit their capability to kill, to violence, to agression.
I don’t know exactly what the point of this post is…I guess to share how disturbed I’ve been all day long.
Links:
· The discussion I started
· The movie in question [Warning: Do not watch this at work, or if you have a weak stomach.]
clarification, please “Now, I am not an agressive person at all.”
In what sense, exactly?
interesting page, but… Well, I found some really interesting porn, but I didn’t see the thing that you were talking about. Which section is it under? What’s the title? Thanks!
Well… …the movie in question is in one of the links below, apparently the server doesn’t allow linking movies and such, so copy the link, and paste it in a new browser window, then you’ll get to see the movie. I don’t suggest you watch it, but if your morbid fascination tells you “Yes!” then go for it.
In regards to your question about in what sense I consider myself not to be an agressive person; you’re a very smart girl. I know I have a very dominant personality, so I would say that I can be pretty socially agressive, and I have been known to be passive agressive when I don’t get my way, or whatever. But the aggression I’m talking about is just simply the aggression needed to inflict pain on someone, physical pain. I find the idea sickening.