Van Helsing

Van Helsing [2004]

Director: Stephen Sommers
Actor: Hugh JackmanKate Beckinsale

This is a popcorn movie. Mary Shelly fans run and fucking hide because they’ll leave not one thing standing of your beloved books. Van Helsing, who really is a cross between Buffy the Vampire Slayer, James Bond and Batman fight the Forces of Darkness (capital F, capital D), not one at a time, no…all at once! If you’re hoping it sounds worse than it is, tough luck. It really is pretty shite, story-wise. It’s fun-filled and action packed, but the story is as flimsy as the clothing on Dracula’s brides.

Good things? Sure. The single coolest thing about this film is the atmosphere, which is rich and beautiful. They had a lot of money and they sure used it. It looks beautiful, even if some of the CGI wasn’t always up to snuff. The Victorian atmosphere is almost Burton-esque, and very well maintained. Too bad Van Helsing – who’s name is Gabriel, and not Abraham for some reason – is walking around with hand-powered circular saws and a gas-powered, high velocity, full automatic…crossbow. It’s just a little weird.

Another good thing about the film is Richard Roxburgh’s acting, which is rather good, if comical at times. He certainly lends some credibility to the acting department.

Another good thing is Ms Beckinsale’s hot body. Yes, she does it again, she never ceases to satisfy. After Underworld and Van Helsing, she should beware of being type-cast, though.

Shite, but amusing.

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