Mother & Father

.: Mother
My mother had an operation to remove as much of the tumor in her head as possible on thursday. She came through with flying colours. She went into the operating room with a smile on her face, and she came out of it with a smile on her face. She also came out with a cool looking wound on her head, cleverly disguised in much of her hairline. It’s probably eight inches long, and there are staples keeping everything together. Eeeew! But cool. She’s like the bionic woman. She is recuperating so fast that she might be discharged today, and otherwise tomorrow. On friday we get the results back.

.: Father
Yesterday, my sister and I finished the preparations for my father’s cremation. All that is left for me is to write his eugoogely(Zoolander reference), and put a few things in his casket that need to be burned with him. Last night we drove all over to hand-deliver the invitations to the cremation ceremony. Some people were very, very distraught, but everyone was very compassionate (with the exception of one of my aunts on my mother’s side, who is notoriously selfish, and after giving us her condolances started to brag about the new backyard she was putting together.) We spent some time, and had a drink to my father, at his best friend’s house. I hadn’t seen him in a good decade, and it was so cool talking to him. He knew my father like no other, and he had such good things to say about my father. Speaking to everyone really made me get to know my father not as a father, but as the person and friend he was to those he knew, which was really amazing.

Yesterday morning I was at the hairdresser, and the owner of the place came up to me to give me her condolances. She had read the obituary, and recognised the name. She told me that she thought he must’ve been a very special man in order to have an obituary like that. He had written his obituary himself, and when I had handed it to the funeral-arranger (someone who arranges almost all aspects of a funeral, I don’t know what to call him in English), he was so happy that there was someone who didn’t go for the standard type of message.

When yesterday night my sister and I were done delivering all the invitations we went by the bar he and his group of friends had frequented for at least as long as I’ve been around (that’s almost 30 years), and we found some of his friends there (including the owner of the bar), who all came to give us their condolances. Aparently his death was “the talk of the town” and the owner had offered to open the bar earlier on the day of cremation so that everyone could retreat there after the service. What a fantastic offer. We took him up on it. What better way to celebrate my father’s passing than to have a drink with all his friends in the bar that was his second home for three decades?

Again, I’ve learnt so much about my father. As his best friend – who is a Dutch teacher, poet, painter and writer – said; “The word that described your father best is “cool,” because for a long time he defined was what cool in this area.” And looking through his photos in order to pick a photo to place on his casket for the service, I got the impression that it was such a correct thing to say about him. I never looked at him that way, but Moulsari commented after seeing the photos that he looked like a celebrity, like someone with a lot of personality and charisma. The way he looked, the way he dressed and kept his hair…he had oodles of charisma. I never looked at him that way, but I’m so glad I got to know him like that, even if it was after he passed away.