20090514

.: Violence Toward Women
Last weekend, my sister and I had a short conversation about violence toward women by men. IN the course of this conversation she mentioned that Tyra Banks had made the statement that there was no situation that warrants beating a woman. That struck me as rather sexist and self-serving coming from a woman and it reeks to high heavens of lipstick-feminism. Any situation where physical violence is used but not in defense is objectionable, regardless of the gender of the aggressor or victim. Everyone has a right, perhaps even a duty to defend themselves from physical harm, and that doesn’t change just because the aggressor is a woman and the victim is a man. Blanket statements like these are probably what contributes to the growing number of abused husbands all across the civilised world. There’s no nobility in being beaten by your wife and not striking back. Honestly, I can recall at least five occasions in as many years where I saw a guy being pummeled in the streets by a furious or hysterical girlfriend wile they just stood there and took it. People let it happen, too, thinking that he was a man and they didn’t need to help. In two vivid occasions bystanders were laughing at the situation! The frustration of being in public was evident on the faces of both guys in question. They were simply too afraid that if they’d strike back they’d become the target of repercussions from the bystanders. However fucked up that would’ve been, it would’ve been in completely in line with my expectations.

In short; if you come to me and throw leather like a man, prepare to be treated as one. Equal rights, equal beatings.

.: Juno Reactor
When I discovered Juno Reactor a few years ago, I had finally found a group that really pushed all the right buttons. They had just releasedBeyond the Infinite, and it was right around the time when AudioGalaxy was big. (If you remember that, you’re probably, like me, slowly turning grey. Here’s looking at you, Eva!) Before that, they’d released Transmissions, which was good, but still a little unpolished compared to Beyond.Bible of Dreams followed, which I liked, but Beyond stayed my favourite. Then it all went rapidly downhill; Shango and Labyrinth started homing in on the World Music genre more and more, and it moved further away from the Goa-Psy I liked so much. And now, with Juno releasing Gods & Monsters recently, I am struggling to find a single song that I’d listen to on continual loop for a couple of hours, let alone the entire album. It still has enough that I keep coming back with every new release, it’s just not as captivating any longer. For a moment it raised the question of whether it was me who had changed, but some deliberation with my audiophile friend (read: Veed) had me convince it wasn’t me, but Juno.

.: Bitter Altruism
Having discovered the kryptonite to my emotional well-being was a step in the right direction, but salvation lies in a lasting solution and not just in the understanding of the cause. I guess I am past the denial phase and have recognised that there’s a problem and have even made strides towards learning how to recognise the situations in which it occurs, but changing my behavior is still far beyond my reach.

In essence I often take responsibility for things that I shouldn’t take responsibility for, whose responsibility isn’t even mine. As a result, I accept tonnes more stress than a lot of other people, and not even in areas that such dedication and effort will yield me anything except being taken for granted. I’ve been trying to keep track of how often it happens where I overreach my responsibility, or I guilt myself in doing something for someone I care about that I really don’t want to do, and I have to say, that shit’s happening a lot! I’ve grown so numb to my own unhappiness, having been brought up with the idea that things that need to happen need to happen, no matter how much you minge about it, and it is taking an awful lot of effort even recognising the situations in which I compromise myself.

Marco used to make fun of Eva for her selfishness, saying that she was a classic product of a family where she was the only child. But he was right, she has clearly defined limit of crap she is willing to take from, and things she will do for others. In essence, if I am on one side of the spectrum, then Eva is on the other. There’s a lot that I can learn from her ways of doing business, and however rejectable the thought is, I have no real choice since what I have been doing has yielded me little in terms of respect, money and emotional well-being. (Though that might well have something to do with how I went about it.) What have I got to show for it? Nothing? Then change the gameplan. Easier said then done, of course, since you hardly ever teach an old dog new tricks, but I believe I still have some adaptability left in me! I just hope I won’t overdo it and turn into an asshole.

.: Gone Back to Kung Fu
Yesterday, I went back to Kung Fu for the first time since I injured my shoulder. My facination with Kung Fu has definitely dried up, perhaps because my fascination for purer combative arts took over. The exercise is still enjoyable enough, but I can’t take it seriously anymore. Looking back, I probably lost the love for it quite some time ago, but I was stubborn and kept plugging away. Now that I view it as a way to keep active, and as a way to maintain some flexibility (necessary for BJJ!) I am as much more at peace with it. As an exercise it I still not even a fraction as soul-destroying as hanging out in the gym is.

So yeah, I might have lost the passion and love for it, but it still beats the alternatives. Well, perhaps I will take up boxing as an aside to the BJJ, but that’s something to contemplate. Swimming is still an option, if I can find a good time to go — which is hard not living in Amsterdam anymore. So BJJ it’ll remain, and perhaps I will pick up a few classes of gi-BJJ soon, too.