So, I’ve split this up to make it more overviewable.
Mood.
I still don’t feel right. The lack of proper sleep has been affecting my mood a bit. I don’t seem to have control of my emotions like I used to have. I can’t regulate anymore. I either get angry, or keep it all inside. I can’t let it flow out when the pressure builds like I usually would be able to. Now, its like the floodgates open up. The few times I got angry these weeks I got furious, frothing at the mouth and shaking. The other day it was with my sister, and it was a harmless comment she made, which I overreacted to. I could control myself, more or less, untill I hung up the phone. Afterwards I proceded to shout at the phone in my hand untill my throat got sore. After calming down via gratuitous profanity, slightly, I was able to convey to my brother what had happened and he fixed it.
Dreaming awake.
My dreams have become more elaborate, detailed, nonsensical. I’ve always been a vivid dreamer, but its never really been this interesting. Its rare butsometimes they don’t exactly seem to stop when I wake up. Little things travel with me from the dream-dimension on occasion, sand in my hair or in my shoes, or bugs in my nostrils. (I had a dream that everyone stank, and the only thing I could do was cram two dead flies in my nostrils.) I still know whats real from fake, so theres nothing to worry about. Its just, interested. I see things less, but I hear more.
Voices.
I’ve been hearing voices as you’ve probably read. These only say my name, over and over again, like they’re asking me for my attention. These have grown more strong, sometimes shouting close to my ear. Also, they’ve become more frequent as my visual hallucinations have grown less. Compensation perhaps, maybe its a sort of height of the storm thing. Top of the peak, before I decline into the valley of normal, so to say.
Whatever it is, I feel better, yet worse. I feel different, which is a pleasant turn of events. I’ll keep you updated..
-Robin
