Author Archives: Dennis

The Black Dahlia [2006]

Director: Brian De Palma
Actor: Josh Hartnett, Scarlett Johansson, Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank

You remember the guy who wrote L.A. Confidential? Yeah, me, too, considering what a great film it was. Written by Mr. Noir, James Ellroy, and it was pretty good. So where did The Black Dahlia go wrong? I have no clue, I think it was in either the screenplay, or the editing, or something, because, while it’s not a bad film, it does take a while to get going, which I didn’t mind, and then near the end it felt like they wrapped things up too fast. The entire plot is explained in one bit of (confusing) dialogue. And when it is explained, it ends up dragging characters into the plot that were only briefly mentioned. It all makes for a bit of a shitty storyline, in my opinion. However, the acting, atmosphere, and directing is done pretty well, and any chance to see Scarlett or Josh is a good one, so I recommend it to those who loved L.A. Confidential. (Yes, that means you, Eva.)

Lucky Number Slevin [2006]

Director: Paul McGuigan
Actor: Josh Hartnett, Bruce Willis, Lucy Liu, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Stanley Tucci

This was a great movie. Full stop. It’s a difficult movie to say anything about without giving away the ending, and since I’ve been accussed of that before, I’m going to be very careful. The ending is great, mostly because I didn’t see it coming (did I give it away yet?), which means that this film is hardly formulaic. Most movies give away the ending because they follow certain patterns, but this one didn’t. They don’t give away too much information, so you know there’s something coming up, but you don’t know exactly what until that very last moment.

The movie is about a guy named Slevin, who is just in town, looking up a friend. Immediately he gets mistaken for his friend, and dragged to two different crime-bosses, The Boss (Freeman) and The Rabbi (Kingsley), respectively. Apparently his friend had a bunch of gambling debts that Slevin is now supposed to square. He can square it with The Boss by killing The Rabbi’s son – apparently The Boss’ son was murdered only recently, and he suspects his arch-rival The Rabbi behind the attempt. Apparently at one point The Boss and The Rabbi were at one time very close friends and crime-partners, but they had a falling out that left them paranoid and bitter. And amidst all of that there is the strange, enigmatic Smith (Willis), who also goes by the name Mr. Goodkat, a world-famous assassin, seemingly playing both sides of the fence. Oh yeah, and there’s Lindsey (Liu), a tasty and energetic love interest and armchair-detective trying to help Slevin in finding out what the hell is going on.

A great film. The Kansas City Shuffle is da shit, baby!

Æon Flux [2005]

Director: Karyn Kusama
Actor: Charlize Theron, Jonny Lee Miller, Pete Postlethwaite, Marton Csokas

Charlise Theron is teh secks, right? We don’t have to get into that, even with her little Oscar stint Monster, right? Good. She’s hawt. Her hairdresser for this movie deserves an Oscar. The movie is pretty true to the animated series. Other than that it’s an absolute pile of stylised wank. Carry on.

The Aristocrats [2005]

Director: Paul Provenza

(Starring, among many others, Kevin Pollak, George Carlin, Hank Azaria, Paul Reiser, Bob Saget, etc. The list goes on and on.)

The Aristocrats is a documentary about a legendary joke, supposedly first done at private parties hosted by Chevy Chase, which soon became known among the comedy elite as a comedian’s joke. It was the filthiest, vilest, crudest, darkest and most shocking thing the comedian could come up with, poured into the mold of a set formula.

A man, his wife, his two children betsy and jimmy, age 11 and 9, their dog rover and his 89-year-old mother-in-law walk into the office of a talent agent. The man introduces everyone and tells the agent that he has an act – a family act – that he would like the agent to represent. The agent says, no, I’m sorry, I don’t do family acts, you’ll have to find someone else to represent you. No, says the man, you really have to see this, it’s really one of a kind, and I would really appreciate it if we could give you a demonstration of our act. If then you decide you don’t want to represent us, then that will be final, but please give us a chance. Alright, says the agent, show me your act.

Insert horrible shocking stuff that the family proceeds to do to one another, including, but not limited to, beastiality, incest and mutilation.

After the preformance, the agent’s mouth drops down to his desk, and bewildered he asks the man; What do you call your act? The man snaps his fingers bon vivantly and says; “The Aristocrats!”

***

What can I say…it’s something else. The joke is simple, and when told by a thousand comedians, some of whom you know and love from sweet-as-honey sitcoms like Full House, others you’ve seen do shocking things as well, it’s surprising how long it takes for it to get old. Every comedian does it in a different way, has a different twist, adds a different sick element to it, resulting in much hilarity on my part. This documentary is definitely not for everyone, but I thought it was incredible. :)

Saw 2 [2005]

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Actor: Tobin Bell, Donnie Wahlberg, Shawnee Smith

Saw 2, for those of you who have seen and liked Saw, you will certainly like Saw 2, since it’s more of the same. Sure, the originality is gone, but they have nicely continued the story of the first film. The film is extremely gritty and gory, so that should appeal to all the Seven/Saw/Silence of the Lambs lovers. The acting is solid, the action and Jigsaw traps are pretty clever, though entirely predictable. In fact, that would be my only major problem with this film; it’s incredibly predictable. Unless you’re really not paying attention, you should have it figured out about halfway through the film, if not before.