Author Archives: Dennis

I frequent a gym, it used to be to supplement my Kung Fu exercises so I could keep eating all the junk that I’m eating. Now that I have more time I also do it to get into better shape since I can’t opt for more Kung Fu lessons. I don’t particularly enjoy going to the gym for a couple of reasons. One of which is because a lot of emphasis is put on muscle building and muscle toning. While I don’t mind the latter much, it’s incredibly boring. I do like cardio work, especially aerobics-ee things.

But the real reason I don’t like to go is because I don’t fit in with the crowd very well. Although contemporary sociologists would have a field day studying the mating rituals of the patrons of a gym, and contemporary linguists would have a field day try to figure out the language of the new breed of idiot that hangs around the gym, but it’s the socialite mentality that ruins it all for me.

Do you remember when Rocky Balboa got creamed by Clubber Lang [My favourite; Mr. T!] because he was getting too decadent in his work outs? Well, if you don’t…he did get his ass creamed, and he needed to be instructed by Apollo Creed in a gritty, back-to-basic environment where there were no photo-ops, no freshly squeezed lemon juice and where there was only sweat, pain and adrenaline.

Well, my gym is none of the “sweet, pain and adrenaline.” It’s more like a social club, where bored house wives come to do about 25 minutes on the StairMaster while idly looking at their favourite soap opera being played on one of the many televisions above, or where muscular guys walk around in brightly coloured, tight fitting shirts, making sure that all the female attention is firmly focussed on them.

But that’s not the worst of it…oh no…

…the worst of it is when I get to a machine that I want to abuse to loose my saddle-bags, and some fucknut has put his towel on it, claiming it as his own. “Where is said fucknut,” you’re wondering? I am wondering the same thing. I look around and see a guy, mid-fourties, pretending to be tired and in desperate need of a sip of whatever it is in his Adidas canister. He’s strolling along only to return to the machine that I wanted to use about 6 minutes later – a time in which I would’ve done my 3 sets of 15 and moved on to the next contraption – to do another set of 10.

I think I am going to have to stop writing before I kill someone. Thank you all for listening.

I was told that the following poem, written by Margaret Atwood in 1971 is very close to my own writing style. I wouldn’t be able to say that it is, or isn’t. You decide…

I don’t know if it’s the weather, the season, my hormones or just plain ole chemistry, but I’ve managed to find myself in that familiar jam again; I’m in love.

I just spent the last five days with the most beautiful woman I can imagine, having the most interesting and stimulating conversations, experiencing the most wonderful moments and making the most exciting plans. And this time I didn’t have to drag her bound and gagged into my sound proof basement either.

I love you, Moulsari.

So, I lost my job. The company are required, by law, to give me a three month notice, which they have very generously given off so I can look for another job. So I have three months off work, with full pay, including my company car, company gas card, company phone and company computer. After that they give me a “fuck off bonus” of about another month’s salary.

I’m contemplating the Royal Dutch Airforce as a next employer, either piloting Apache helicopters or F-16’s, or finding a job with Airforce Intelligence, the latter of which is more easy to get into and is more in tune with my background. The pilot position is very hard to get into – only 1 out of every 2000 applicants make the bar – but definitely worth a shot.

I’ll keep people updated.

So the company I work for – a software development and business analysis company – has been having some trouble keeping its head above water lately. All around us we can see companies much like ours dropping like flies and filling for bankruptcy seems to be the newest craze. People all over the world must have noticed it, especially in the IT industry; we are in a recession.

Our company, having a fairly solid customer base have fared fairly well compared to some other companies out there, but with the recent bankruptcy of one of our customers, and the subsequent ass-rape of not receiving a substantial amount of money from them, things have become quite hairy around here. There is less work, and the work that is out there is harder to claim since the potential customers are worried about over-investing and are hanging on to their money. The fact that there are a handful of large IT companies out there that have the financial leeway to offer their consultants at significantly reduced costs, really doesn’t help companies like mine.

We have currently made it through the first month of not making enough money to break even and people are starting to worry. Gartner Consulting Group thinks that the recission might start to look up about halfway through 2003, while our company predicts that at this rate, they’ll have to file for bankruptcy in December. They have come up with three options;

1. Voluntary downsizing your workweek from 40 hours to 32 and thereby taking a 20% cut on all your pay [including all benefits.]
2. Lay-offs.
3. A combination of the two.

While I am not a cash-cow within my company, and I am fairly inexperienced, should it come to lay-offs, there will be a large chance I am going to be axed. They want to make a swift decision if they want to let people go, since then they’ll have some money to send them off with a good-riddance payment and end the relationship on semi-friendly terms and not tossing someone out in the cold. By friday April 26th they’ll have decided with what option to go, and will announce it to all people working here. By thursday April 25th, all people that will end up being fired will have heard.

So it’s not going to be very long until I know if I’m going to be laid off or not, and most likely they’ll give me a nice good-riddance payment that will help me through one or two months, however…what then?

You see, I don’t see myself tossing my unemployed ass on the great heap of job-seeking IT’ers that are out there at the moment. I’d rather wait until the time is a little better in order to start looking for a job that suits me a little better instead of taking whatever scraps I can get. But that might take a while, and in the meantime I’ll have to find something to support me and my expensive habits. I wouldn’t mind taking a hiatus from IT and working something completely different. Those who know me, know that I often think about what it would be like if I had chosen a completely different professional life for myself. Something like a Marine Biologist, or a bicycle repairman. Hell, I could even become a clown just like Crazy Elf…I often wonder.

Also, the thought has crossed my mind of going back to college, and getting a second degree. Although I have no fucking clue what I’d go and study, but I’d know it would be far removed from anything I know now. All this will most likely lead to a dramatic reduction in income at the least, perhaps a while of unemployment at the worst.

And while my tickets to the Bulldrek Gathering are bought and paid for by Mr. VISA, they are refundable and – if money gets tight – I might have to forego on the entire plan of coming over. Now this is all doomsday scenario thinking here, but something I have to keep in mind.

So, oh lovely Internet Community…what do you think I should do if and when I do hear that I’ve been axed?