Years ago, Eva sent me a t-shirt that said “It’s a Meijer Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand”, which was brilliant, for obvious reasons. It was something like this one:
And today I came across an even better one which reads; “I Can’t Keep Calm, I’m a Meijer”, which is fantastic!
9 June – Dutch Feast
John Camden Hotten was one of the first and best lexicogaphers of slang. He gathered and documented what he himself described as “that evanescent, vulgar language, ever changing with fashion and taste… spoken by persons in every grade of life, rich and poor, honest and dishonest”. One result of his indefatigable quest for the language of “fast, high and low life” was the publication, in 1859, of A Dictionary of Modern Slang, Cant, and Vulgar Words. On the day Hotten died in 1873 (of brain fever, or a surfeit of pork chops, depending on which historian you ask) he was still revising his work.
Among the back slang and rhyming slang, and the patter from sailors and shopkeepers, are such expressions as a “Dutch uncle”, defined by the author as “a person often introduced in conversation, but exceedingly difficult to describe”. A “Dutch concert” is one in which “each performer plays a different tune”, and “Dutch consolation” is simply “Thank God it’s no worse”.
These less well-known Dutch formulae sit alongside those that have endured to this day; “Dutch courage”, namely false courage garnered through drinking; “double Dutch”, i.e. gibberish; and “going Dutch”, where everyone splits the bill and thus risks the suggestion of miserliness. But why Dutch?
In the seventeenth century, the Dutch and British were at loggerheads. Both sought maritime superiority, and not least the control of the sea routes that carried exotic cargo from the rich Spice Islands of the East Indies. The result of such vying for supremacy was three naval wars between the years 1652 and 1674. On 9 June 1667, the Dutch sailed up the Medway, sank multiple British ships, and blockaded the Thames. The ensuing bitterness on the part of the British resulted in “Dutch” becoming synonymous with such unappealing qualities as cowardice and stinginess.
Today, even while most prejudice towards our friends in the Netherlands has long since vanished, a couple of contemporary examples might occasionally feel useful. A “Dtuch reckoning” is a bill that is presented without any detail and which only gets bigger if you question it, while a “Dutch feast” is one at which the host “gets drunk before the guests”.
Word Perfect, Etymological Entertainment for Every Day of the Year by Susie Dent
Previously, the heroes had made their way through the Senhadrim quarters while descending down the ziggurat in search of Xamael who had crossed and blackmailed the good sisters by stealing Memra’s sight. Returning Memra’s sight would be rewarded by the good sisters in the heroes’ quest to defeat the ward on the cursed khazra’s head which was laying waste to the queen’s health, and potentially threatening all of Kingsport.
(Silvermoon in low sanction. Bloodmoon is waxing. Darkmoon is waxing.)
The heroes were still hard at work in trying to defeat the lizardfolk zombies which had awakened from the interment inside the clay urns which were standing all around the spiralling room. At the bottom of that room was the portal leading from the Senhadrim quarters to the Senhadrim hall. The zombies had awoken when the heroes had managed to find a discarded statuette, which, combined with one of the lyrium crystals they carried on them, had proven to be the key which unlocked the portal.
With the help of the mercurial magics at Emrys’ disposal, the heroes had defeated many of the tenacious zombies already. Their momentum had slowed considerably with the disappearance of Emrys, who had been teleported away from the material plane and into the Ethereal Mist; the realm in between realms.
Astrid was spent and Quentin was wounded. James had spent many arrows and Luca had expended a lot of his magical power. On top of that, everyone was tired. Astrid and Quentin stood shoulder to shoulder, while Luca picked another star off of Atilesceon’s robes and hurled it at one of the zombies. The star transformed into several magical bolts of raw energy. Meanwhile, James was using his mobility to keep the zombies occupied while simultaneously taking shots at them with with Isalien’s bow.
When Astrid was overwhelmed and lost consciousness, it looked as if the heroes might be overrun, but the heroes kept repelling the zombies, and even Astrid miraculously regained consciousness and got back to her feet. Luca gave her one of the last two remaining health potions he had, but she held onto it. Luca also became desperate enough to use one of the lyrium crystals he still carried on him in order to fuel one of his spells. Soon after the last of the zombies fell beneath sword and arrow and calm returned. It wasn’t long until with a startle, Emrys also returned from the Ethereal Mist.
Emrys told tales of the mist and about the titanic creatures he had seen there. It reminded him of the space where the Crimson Tower had stood when the heroes first ascended it, before jumping through the collapsing portal and into Atilesceon’s nightmare realm. Emrys explained that sometimes the potency of the magic inside of him got out of control and did wonderous and unexpected things. James suggested that Emrys stay well away from the rest of the group if Emrys was to continue using his magic.
According to Luca it was late in the evening and it would be best to take rest. A safe corner in the spiralling room was hastily converted into a small camp where the heroes took rest. There was some debate about how long the rest would be, and despite James’ objections, it was decided that a proper, long rest would give people a chance to recover from the previous fight. Quentin briefly communed with Róisín and conjured up several berries which spawned from the scabbard of the blade which nourished Astrid back to some health.
(Silvermoon in low sanction. Bloodmoon is waxing. Darkmoon is waxing.)
It was five days until the day that doctor Arkenward thought he could keep the curse on the queen at bay. The heroes had gotten some rest, and had found that none had come into the spiral room, or had come from the open portal. All of this felt incredibly suspicious and unlikely, but the heroes decided to continue on and go through the portal.
On the other side of the portal was a room with two corridors which lead away. There were two braziers with curious and intricately script carved in the metal surface. Embers were glowing inside of the braziers, and smoke trickled up and along the ceiling of the room and filled the room with the soft fragrance of sandalwood. Despite the curious nature of the braziers, Luca assured the heroes that there was nothing to be concerned about.
The room beyond seemed to have been the scene of some heavy battle, evident by the broken tiles on the floor and the faint traces of dried blood which seemed to be heading to one of the two corridors before fading away. James reckoned the blood dried up about half a day before.
It was agreed that James would scout ahead and the rest would trail behind. James found that the corridor lead to what turned out to be a wide halfway which circled a large central hall. James explored the circular hallway about halfway, discovering a small number of larger rooms along the outer wall, and a large number of doorways along the inner wall which lead to balconies that overlooked an enormous, cavernous hall. The inner wall was decorated with intricate carvings which James recognised as very well preserved Senhadrim murals.
In the centre of each of the balconies stood an elaborately crafted metal pillar, standing over six and a half foot in height. There was something elven about their design. Each was topped with a huge, glowing crystal, held by delicate metal prongs, gently cradling the crystal like a child would be cradled in their mother’s arms. Little tendrils of energy crawled over the crystals; each was pregnant with magical potentiality. Each of the crystals had a different colour.
Across the dark expanse between the balconies, the soft, coloured glow of each of the eight different crystals could be seen. Luca and Emrys went to investigate one of the crystals, which appeared to be red in colour. When the stepped out onto the balcony they were acutely aware that there was something in the darkness below as they could hear the rhythmic breathing of something very large. As they peered over the rim of the balcony they could the enormous form of a green serpent laying on the stone ground below, curled up like an armadillo. They were immediately filled with a sense of unnatural dread. Every instinct they possessed commanded them to run away; back to the surface; back to Kingsport; back to the Riverlands; back to the Elder Foothills; back into the arms of their mothers so that she may shield them from the dangers that lurked in the forgotten halls at the bottom of murky lakes in the centre of a swamp which was clearly forsaken by all the gods.
The two retreated immediately and told the others of the dragon laying at the heart of the hall. Quentin was curious to see a dragon, having only heard about heroic tales of cavaliers and knights vanquishing them. He was fortunate enough that his eyes couldn’t penetrate the darkness and he never laid witness to the dragon. As he peered into the darkness he did hear a voice. He concentrated on the voice and heard it hold a sermon of sorts, about Asmodeus, the dark angel, and the Pact Primeval. It was enough time for Emrys and Luca to regain their courage, and Luca used that opportunity to get Quentin back from the balcony. As he did so he, too, heard the tail end of the sermon, and the words were very familiar to him; he had read them in Kalina’s prayer book.
Blackstar furiously protested the sermon, exclaiming that the nature of devils was to corrupt souls so that they may fuel their fight against demons. Blackstar was reaping souls in order to prevent souls from falling into their hands. Some of Luca’s dialogue with Blackstar escaped his lips and alerted Quentin who wanted to understand more, but it wasn’t the time to get into it.
The heroes decided it was imperative that they understood what these pillars were, as they believed it might be responsible for the enslavement of Kalauranthalasis. If they could free the wyrm, they might have an ally in the fight against Xamael the Defiler. Luca prepared a ritual of identification, which he had used several times to divine the nature of some of the magical items that the heroes had found. Using an owl feather to mix a crushed pearl into some of James’ potent alcohol, he drank the liquid down and discovered that each of the pillars were connected and meant to act like a beacon. However, their power had been corrupted and changed to act like a soul trap; not unlike Lauriel’s earrings of whispers which Luca and James often used to communicate over long distances; that too had the ability to trap a person’s soul.
Luca conjured up a spectral hand and at a distance attempt to take the red crystal from its socle. Unfortunately, the moment the hand came into contact with the magical energy it was dispersed. At this point, James loosed an arrow at the crystal, hoping to knock it off the socle, instead. The arrow hit the crystal but was deflected off one of its facets and went flying into the darkness beyond. At that point the heroes heard the strong, honeyed voice that was holding the sermon say; “Kalauranthalasis, it is time for you to awaken,” and they heard the wyrm stir.
Previously, the heroes had entered the ziggurat in the middle of Wyrmblood Lake and explored the Senhadrim quarters. They came upon a portal, surrounded by embalmed lizardfolk, interred in large clay urns, filled with sand. The heroes managed to open the portal, which woke the lizardfolk zombies. The heroes were contemplating on how to deal with the lumbering horde of lizardfolk zombies, while simultaneously keep an eye out for the assassin of the Dark Queen which was still hiding somewhere.
(Silvermoon in low sanction. Bloodmoon is waxing. Darkmoon is waxing.)
The heroes took a defensive stance in the corridor which lead from the hall of the gauntlet, to the hall of bones. The lizardfolk zombies were slow and rather mindless, which allowed James to snipe away at them while Astrid and Quentin held them at bay. Luca was blasting away, sending bolt after angry bolt of eldritch energy into the zombies, but quickly found that Blackstar would not allow him to attack the undead without exacting its toll.
Emrys was in his element, making use of his newfound abilities to send tremors through the ground which erupted around the zombies and making it even harder for them to reach the heroes. He threw Toruviel into the air and spoke a sacred word, Hediad, sending the blade flying around the room, attacking the zombies as if it had a mind of its own, while Emrys continued flinging debris into the creatures.
Eventually, both Astrid and Quentin were being worn down and they had to retreat. Quentin used Róisín to summon an ethereal dryad who could heal Astrid. He noticed that the blade was whimpering in annoyance before it reluctantly summoned the fairy.
After retreating, Quentin used his bow to loose several arrows into the zombies, while Emrys used his blade to bounce around the room, firing off spells in a flurry. Eventually, the magical pressure which had been building up inside of him couldn’t be contained and he was temporarily teleported to a terrifying place which seemed awfully familiar to him and reminding him of the fugue realm that Atilesceon’s tower resided in.
Previously, the heroes had made their way past the lizardfolk guards atop the sunken ziggurat and started to explore the interior. They found a small network of corridors, staircases and chambers, each seemingly dedicated to the pastoral care of the Senhadrim which once roamed its halls during the Age of Fear.
(Silvermoon in low sanction. Bloodmoon is waxing. Darkmoon is waxing.)
After having examined the battle between the assassins of the Dark Queen and the lizardfolk, the heroes continued to explore the quarters, finding themselves at the foot of a long hallway, lined on each side with large statues of winged warriors. The statues, which the heroes had seen dotted throughout the chambers, worried the heroes as it created natural chokepoints and perfect ambush sites.
Cautiously, Luca decided to join James by proceeding ahead, tapping the tiles he was intending to step on with the butt end of his staff. Eventually, after passing about halfway through the hallway, he noticed that right between two statues the tiles had been loosened and looked quite treacherous. Luca attempted to jump over the tiles but misjudged his jump, only to slip and dislodge the tiles, revealing a wide pit lined with sharp, metal stakes at the bottom.
While Luca tumbled down into the pit, injuring himself as he fell, James jumped across the pit and was on his guard. Quentin ended up tumbling into the pit as well, while two assassins materialised on the far side of the pit. One engaged James, while the other loomed over the pit, only to be pulled into the pit by Quentin, who had used Róisín’s ability to produce a thorny whip to lash out.
The assassins proved a significant opposition, with their ability to ambush, their lightning fast attacks and the deadly daggers they drew. James felt the sting of one of the daggers and the venom that lit his nerves on fire, but eventually the heroes managed to slay one of the assassins while the other assassin got away.
The heroes went into careful pursuit, only to find that at the end of the hall ended in another staircase corridor which eventually lead even further down into the ziggurat. At the bottom of the staircase they found a large room, spiralling down, with each of the three terraced levels being lined with clay urns, filled with sand, with the embalmed head of a lizardfolk warrior sticking out of it. Likely they were interred here as a sign of great honour.
On the lowest level there was a portal set into the back wall, elaborately carved and made from a different stone than the rest of the halls. In front of it lay a discarded, conical statue, much like the one found in the catacombs underneath Lynnecombe, as well as the statue that lady Asha carried with her. It was made from the same type of stone as the portal, and in the top there was a slot in which they found a dull, cloudy, orange crystal, which looked a lot like the lyrium crystals they had found months ago. In the portal itself there was a hole that fit the statue perfectly. The heroes surmised that it was a key which needed to be powered by a lyrium crystal.
The heroes retreated, while Luca used his magic to conjure up a spectral hand which placed a fresh lyrium crystal inside the hole atop the key, and placed the key inside the hole in the portal. With a loud, stone-on-stone grating noise, the door inside the portal sank away into the ground and revealed a chamber beyond. James noted that the assassin which had made his escape definitely would not have had the opportunity to get through the portal without the heroes hearing it, meaning that he must still be hiding somewhere.
Besides that, once the door opened up, each of the embalmed lizardfolk inside the urns stirred and came alive, slowly freeing themselves from their resting places…