I have a constant and strong desire to stop caring about everything, to let go of everything and just be the ultimate hedonist. I don’t, because I know it won’t be good for me, those around me or those that depend on me. But I know I have that ugliness inside of me to be completely selfish.
I slept poorly for the last hour or two, this morning. I was restless due to recurring bad dreams. This time it was a variation of an oldie, but a goodie; rejection and abandonment. Interestingly enough it featured an unusual cast of people and about halfway through the dream merged with a recurring bad dream I’ve had since I was about seven years old. Let’s hope that tonight will be a bit better.