Author Archives: Dennis

I <3 Launchcast!

Over the last two months or so I’ve been taking a break from my usual online life. I say my usual online life, because I haven’t gone completely offline, either. I’ve been playing a lot of Warcraft, working a lot and spending some time with family and friends from abroad. I’ve been meaning to pick up on my web-development, and perhaps even starting to convert the Bulldrek phpBB template, but at the moment, I can’t be arsed. I need to plan for a trip to India in September (provided the complications surrounding that trip don’t make it impossible for me to go) and I need to plan more actively for my move to Amsterdam.

Regarding that move; I finally did a bit of planning. I’ve got a furnished apartment. When I say furnished, I mean that the bare necessities are there; a small sofa, a table, a cupboard, washing machine, refridgerator, stove, bed, etc. Most of that stuff is old and badly maintained. I asked the landlord and he was fine with me tossing it out, as long as he got a furnished apartment back once I moved out. Seeing as how I don’t want to replace his furniture I’m going to keep it in storage. I’m hoping to get that done this weekend. Then, I want to see if I need/want to paint the walls and ceiling. Once that’s done, I take out all the ugly, ratty-ass, green carpet and have a new wooden floor installed in about four weeks or so. That should be enough time to get everything moved out, the walls painted if needed, and the carpet removed. Perhaps I can then also get a phone-line installed, and an internet hookup. Then when the floor is installed, I can move my belongings, which isn’t much, into a nice, clear, fresh(er) apartment.

To do: find out about hiring a van for this weekend.

Also, I have to make special mention of something that’s been gobbling up a lot of my spare time as well; Warblade, a Galaga-like game, by the maker of…Galaga! It’s awesome…and very addictive.

Then, at last, I have to say that I’ve been neglecting three things all this time; The Sopranos (Season Five), Kung Fu, and eating regularly.

After an already stressful and busy week, where nothing went as smoothly as you’d want it to go, to be in a car accident is a bummer. To be in a car accident because of your own mistake is really shit. To be in a car accident because of your own mistake, which is likely going to cost you another grand in euros is absolutely fucking shitbox, especially when you’ve just come out of the tail end of a very expensive period, and are looking to move, with all its inherent costs.

Long story short; I was backing up while standing still in front of a stoplight, with the intention of moving to another lane. I could’ve sworn there was nobody standing behind me – I know I checked – but there was. Result; small dents in my trunk, and a big dent in my rear fender.

There’s this guy I know, who is a really cool guy in every respect but one. He’s got a tremendous ego and likes engaging in little ego-contests. It’s an absolutely forgivable flaw of his, though it gets on my nerves sometimes. I know I’m guilty of it, too, but I try to keep it to a minimum, as it usually only leads to a bad atmosphere for those directly or indirectly exposed to it. It’s a game of domination, of “Who’ll be the Alpha Male!?” and I simply don’t like it. I don’t have that type of competitiveness to really enjoy it.

Some time ago he did something I was rather disappointed with. It was a little something, and the annoyance of it passed quickly. I asked him not to do it, he did it anyway and that was it. It was in retalation of a slight or insult (imagined or otherwise), I think, and I didn’t get mad because I understood it, though I really don’t agree with it. What he did was childish and more evidence of his fragile ego. As I write this I have the sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t have a big ego, per sé, but perhaps a very small and fragile one.

Anyway, today I was sitting on the train and something reminded me of that moment, where he decided to this little, annoying, retaliatory thing, even though I had asked him, politely, not to. I found myself getting so angry at his audacity that I started to think back to that moment, when it happened, and what I should have done – what I could have done – instead. It was all rather violent and domineering. I realise only now that it is me that has the small ego, it is me that is easily hurt, even though I try to rise above all of it, as I did then, I can’t help but be angry at what he did, and how he went against my request to stop doing what he was doing.

On the one hand it sickens me to think that I am that ego-mongering, alpha male wannabe, no better than he in the way that I’m constantly working towards establishing dominance in a group, but on the other hand I’m glad that I have a better grip on myself, and that I can put it aside, repress it, and burry it until I’m sitting on a train somewhere, months later.

My father’s father is dead. My boss has a new daughter. Cycle complete. Time flies. Story continues.