Category: Journal

Pain is Temporary

I’m in pain.

This morning, I had four cavities filled. It’s my own fault, I hadn’t been taking good enough care of my teeth for a while, and something had to be done about it.

The dentist I go to is very good at what he does. At least, he makes me feel comfortable enough to keep coming back, which is something that, from what I hear from others, isn’t always the case with most dentists. He doens’t have much of a sense of humour, but then again, that’s not what he’s paid for. He does his work well.

Today, after 45 minutes of drillin’-n-fillin’ he told me that I was a good patient. I accept that I have to go through a procedure that is widely regarded as painful, and I do it without bitching, moaning, threatening or becoming violent, which aparently is a novelty in the world of dental care.

I can understand someone becoming violent or threatening the dentist, though. I mean, I have a fairly high pain tolerance level and I always keep in mind that the pain is only temporary, and that my being there and undergoing that, is an investment. But sometimes it’s a really uncomfortable feeling, one that invokes really primal aggressive feelings. Certain people come in and tell the dentist “Hurt me and I’ll break your fucking legs.” which I can again understand, on a very basic level, but if you are going through the procedure, let the man do his job and accept the consequences of your decision.

One of the things I cannot stand is when pain seems to be a permanent thing. I don’t have permanent pain, but at times certain things have seemed like they would never go away, and when I feel that, then I’m inconsolable. I have always been able to trust my body, and I’m very happy with it, it has hardly ever let me down. I say hardly because I have some failures, like my cluster-headaches. But God forbid I should ever get permanent back problems or something similarly inescapable.

I once saw a documentary about a radical new treatment of back problems where a small sliver of metal would be implanted close to a nerve-point near the spine and manipulated using magnets. The sliver would press up against, and thereby cancelling out, certain nerve-points and thus relieving the pain. There was a man that went in for the new treatment who was successful in business, had a wife and two children that loved him, was in good shape, but he said that if this treatment didn’t work for him, that he would commit suicide because he simply couldn’t live with the permanent pain.

Permanent pain. No relief.

I’m in pain…but the pain is termporary.

Todo List

Going on the Wonder Wheel on Coney Island. Standing on the Great Wall overlooking the plain of Tsan-Pa. Rafting the wild rivers of the Amazon. Standing underneath the waterfalls in northern Thailand. Walking the jungles of Borneo. Surfing the cold surfs of South Africa. Eating at a bistro in Bologna. Standing on Ayers Rock in Australia. Skydiving above the coast of California. Running through the great forests of Canada. Seeing the warzone in Beirut. Cheering at a K1 match in the Tokyo Dome. Skiing down the slopes of the Alps. Walking on the Red Square outside the Kremlin. Treading the halls of the Forbidden Palace. Exploring the jungles of India. Lazing in the sun on the Fiji islands. Dancing in the nightclubs of Kyoto. Shopping down in Kowloon. Bicycling along the Black Sea. Enjoying the Carnival in Rio de Janeiro. Providing aid to children in Colombia. Watching the apes in the jungles of Sudan. Feel the vibrant nature of Madagascar. Trek across the plains of Antarctica. Walk the grassy fields of New Zealand. Marvel at the geisers of Iceland. Cheering on the huski’s on Greenland. Checking out the Icepalace in Norway. Drinking a cocktail on Bora Bora. Seeing the dragonboat races in Hong Kong. Trekking along Nepal’s Annapurna trail.

Let’s start today.

Noodles

Last night I was starving, but since I had been a total slacker, I didn’t do any grocery shopping which left me with few choices but to scrounge up all the odd little things I still had in my cupboard and fridge. I ended up making the most disgusting hamburger in the world and eating some instant noodles.

This morning, as I woke up, I was talking to Moulsari on the phone and my stomach started growling again. I went to scrounge again and I came across a french bread that you needed to bake in the oven. As I did so I managed to charcoal this thing into tasting like ass. I threw it out and went on another scrounge. I found some fried noodles [indonesian bami] in my freezer that my mother had given to me about two weeks back. I warmed it up and it was heavenly.

I was reminded of the time when Claus and I went to see Erik and Eva in California during last spring. When there we were subjected to the horrible American cuisine which involved much of the greaseness. Being a big health nut, Claus had, by the 8th day, reached his limit and for the remainder of the stay insisted on salads and such.

When we returned home Claus stayed in the Netherlands for a bit and one evening we went over to my mother’s to eat. She had made the fried noodles and I saw Claus eat like there was no tomorrow, he loved it.

A fond memory. :)

On the Run

I have often said that my life is like a badly written comic book. Complete with explosions, intrigue, death, excitement and kryptonite, it seems like I’m going from one incredible episode to another. While my life has shown me many of the facets that life has to offer, allowing me to learn from them, some of those facets have slapped me in face like a rough-handed pimp.

Some people call it experience while others call it baggage. Either way, your fucked.

Recently I’ve had the great pleasure of talking to a wonderful woman who not only is wonderful to talk to, but she is very intelligent and incredibly understanding. With her help I realized that in the last 14 years or so, there hasn’t been a time where things were simple and serene. I was always caught up in conflict, intrigue, helping people out, making things happen or just working my arse off for college.

I can remember two moments, both not to long ago, where I didn’t have anything on my mind. Mind you, there was plenty going on in my life that required my attention, but I just didn’t think about them.

The first was when Eva and I had first met, and her parents were on holiday and I used to sleep over. She’d go to work, while I stayed behind, playing Mahjong on her little Apple II while I could hear the birds chirping outside and the sun was shining on my back through the open window.

The second time I can remember was when Eva and I were roaming through Paris and we stumbled across the Eiffel tower. Underneath the Eiffel tower are many lawns of freshly cut grass where people sit and enjoy an afternoon in the sun. Eva and I sat down for a bit and were just lying there, completely content in watching the people.

I’m sure there were more moments where I was carefree, however I can’t remember them.

Now, people say that step one is always recognizing that there’s a problem. Step two is defining the problem. Step three is changing things in order to solve the problem or to make sure that the problem doesn’t occur again. I think I, with the help of my friend, did step 1 and 2. However, I’ve been thinking about step three, and I don’t like what it entails.

I’m beginning to wonder if I want to lead a life where everything is calm and serene. It would be nice to have a few moments in a year where I could simply sit there and worry about nothing. Have someone special close to you, or just go out dancing with friends.

That’s probably what I dislike most; one time, when Eva and I were first dating eachother, I was out with her and Marco in Amsterdam, we were walking down one of the canals at night, it was a summer’s night, we all had a really good time and I got called by a “friend” of my father that was looking for him. Marco knew what was going on, so he immediately took Eva and started walking a bit faster, while I lagged behind to talk.

Christus, I’m ranting…I had a point here somewhere and I think it was that I should find some points of rest here and there. I need a little less explosions, intrigue, death, excitement and kryptonite every once in a while.

Anyway, thank you, Elle.