Tag: Dream

Crazy Night of Dreams

This evening I woke up at 4:00 and felt like I was done sleeping. I played around on my phone for about an hour before falling back asleep. That’s when the nutty dreams started.

I had a dream within a dream, but I didn’t realise it. I was dreaming about something really sad and I was crying. I was afraid of waking up Joasia, so I woke up. When I saw that she wasn’t stirring, I was wondering what had made me so sad. And then I really woke up. (Or did I!?) I fell back asleep for another hour, and then I woke up again because I was once again overcome with sadness.

Wtf.

How Long Will This Last?

This morning, I woke up in tears because of a disturbing dream I had. As with all dreams, it’s fading quickly, but what I do remember of it is that we had organised my mother’s birthday party. She looked like she did before she got ill, radiant and beautiful, but we did know that this was going to be her last year, so we had made it a grand affair. Everyone came, from near and far, and I was mostly dealing with all the drama that would occur if ever such an event were to happen. Especially my mother’s side of the family have a tendency to be volatile and explosive and any party that doesn’t end in police because someone drove a car through the front of a building, well, that’s a really tame party to begin with. At one point, near dawn, when a lot of people had already left for home, we noticed that my mother wasn’t there anymore. I went looking but couldn’t find her anywhere. She was simply gone. I suspected that she may have skipped out early because she thought the agony would be less. Kind of like when a doctor wants to set a bone and asks you to count to three, then sets the bone at the count of one. I don’t know, but I know that I felt very sad when I woke up.

I wonder how long this will last. It’s been years since she died and while things are getting easier, these strange dreams keep coming occasionally. I will likely never let go of the sadness, carrying it with me as proof of my love for her, but the burden of sadness has become easier to bear over time. Maybe this is a permanent addition to my life. Pleasant dreams with a sour ending to fill the void that her pleasant life (with a sour ending) left behind.

Fear

I slept poorly for the last hour or two, this morning. I was restless due to recurring bad dreams. This time it was a variation of an oldie, but a goodie; rejection and abandonment. Interestingly enough it featured an unusual cast of people and about halfway through the dream merged with a recurring bad dream I’ve had since I was about seven years old. Let’s hope that tonight will be a bit better.